Turning 40 (this past May 5th) isn't as bad as I thought it would be. Like most kids, I thought my parents at 40 were super old and I definitely didn't want to be old. And now that I'm officially the big four-oh, I am absolutely grateful to have made it to see this age. At one point in my life I didn't even think I'd make it to 21.
Although I didn't have a rough or horrible childhood, growing up wasn't fun. My parents raised me in church and that was pretty much all we did. And when I had my first child at 17 my view point on life was bleak. I just knew that there was no way that I'd do any good or that any good would come to me.
I did attempt college, but that didn't work out. I attempted a style business with my sister, that didn't pan out either. It seemed that everything I tried to do to prove to myself and the world that I wasn't a failure, failed. Can I say my twenties was the roughest part of my life! Here I was a single mom with only a high school education trying to make something of myself.
Being the "church girl" that I was, there was a lot of things I couldn't or wasn't suppose to do. I grew up with a lot of "can't do's". Don't worry, I won't bore you with all childhood woe's. I'm just saying that not being able to do half of what my peers were doing made me dislike my life and kinda got me to a point where I was scared to even desire anything worthwhile out of life.
My barber and I were talking the other day and although I don't quite remember the exact question he asked me, my response was that I didn't really start to enjoy life until after I got married. Without a doubt, I know God created my husband just for me. And to think, I never wanted to get married. Btw, check out my post where I talk about my whole no marriage vow.
I accredit my husband for reigniting my passion for life. His view point on life is amazing. He's one of those jump first fear later type of people. Where as I'm a look twice before you leap type of girl. Once I hit my thirties and I hadn't accomplished or achieved societies so call standards I was sorta bombed. But that man of mine taught me to live again.
At this point, I now understand that I only have myself to compete against. And that being 40 and not having it all together is perfectly okay. One last thing I want to leave you with is........
I'm about to slay 40!!!