I'm Wearing My Feelings
It almost never fails that when Thursday hits, I have a moment of - "Is today Thursday or Friday"? I mean I literally have to look at a calendar to confirm what day it is. Does this ever happen to you? Sometimes I wonder if the reason why I'm having these semi lapses in time is because I'm not happy about having to wake up early in the morning, travel 40-45 minutes (one way) to a job that doesn't excite me or challenge my creativity.
My career goals were simple. I'd go to college, get my BS in nursing, work as a trauma nurse for 10-12 years, quit and then work for myself as a fashion stylist. But we all know that even the best laid plans...
Today's outfit sorta describes how I've been feeling lately. All mixed up. Although the first part of my career goals didn't pan out, I still have my sights set on being a successful entrepreneur. For the last few years I've envisioned myself getting up for work only to call my manager and telling her 'I Quit'. Today was one of those days.
Honestly I think the reason I haven't done it is because I'm scared. Whew! I said it. I think this is the first time I've actually embraced (outside of my head) that I'm scared. I'm afraid of the unknown. What if no one hires me? What if a client hires me and I can't get the job done? What if I don't make enough money to support my family? What if! What if! What if!!!!! Somebody said, the What if's and the Should have's will eat your brain.
Maybe that why I haven't been as inspired lately. I mean the struggle has been fo'real fo'real. Just writing this post took a lot out of me. Yet! I won't be defeated. I won't allow discouragement to beat the crap out of me. Instead of letting fear get the best of me, I'm taken the advise I give my son when he's scared; just because you're afraid doesn't mean I let fear take over me.
Fear aside, let me tell you how I fight these feelings. My weapon of choice is my tongue. Do you understand how powerful the tongue is? It's more powerful than any two-edged sword. Life (and death) lies in the power of what we speak. That's why I make sure what I speak matches my goals. Even at my lowest, I refuse to speak against my future. Y'all I was about to start preaching, ha! ha! ha!.
Anywho, I hope this post will uplift you in some way and I pray that you find the strength to go back, grab those dreams you though died and speak life to them. It's not to late.
